Putting on a diffrent aproach!

Ok, I binged, yes again... but this time is was more controled and it felt less frightening. But I'm sick of it. Sick of binging. so instead of going through this stupid binge/fast cycle, im just gonna restrict, but a lil higher than my usual 160 cal a day. I am aiming for 380 a day. or 400 and less. Starting with a healthy bowl of high fiber cereal and almond milk. and an apple with 1 tbs peanut butter for the rest of the day. I will also drink a cup of green tea everytime i eat so it will keep my metabolism high and up running.

I gained 3 pounds from this binge. I am tired of this. I will continue rugby and everything I love without having the need to binge and fast. I won't give in to this sickness not anymore. I will go into recovery as soon as they accept me. Because I know I will destroy myself if I don't. And if you are like me, just pay a little attention to that good voice inside your head, just a little. It will be one step closer to being beautiful and healthy.

All is said.  Love yous -xoxox-

Fasting and some other things

Ok well enouf about my diet and such. Today is day 3 of my fasting. Really tired. But I'll survive, maybe I'll break a fasting record? Oh and I weighted myself yesterday, so no I did not make it too 5 days, only one. lol.

Now for the interesting part, breaking down because I don't stop working. Everyday after school I stay in town to work or to play rugby. >:( It's so annoying and it really is killing me, since I let go off cafeine. I can't wait to get my next pay check though :D now thats gonna be the highlight of my day. Although it's just in one week, I know it's gonna be big! I need to go clothes shopping since nothing fits me anymore! And I need more hoodies sice it's freezing outside. Well to me it is. lol. It's like 15°c. Imagine when it's gonna be -30°c outside! Ahhh, I'm gonna die! I'm like currently sleeping with 3 covers on my bed and a wearing a hoodie and jogging pants and freezing! I'll never survive winter lol. Anyways enouf of the chat chat. see you girls tomorrow!

Cheers -xox-

Never been this determined

I think in all my life, I have never been this determined. I binge yesterday. I hate myself so muhc... I'm gonna fast t'ill I'm 129 or less. I'm so angry at myself and so tired. I don't care anymore about food. I just want to starve.

I also decided that I had a compulsive weight myself every minute thing. I will not weight myself for a whole 5 days. Which is extremly alot. Right now its only been a day and I want to know so bad. But I wont. I am stronger than a compulsive habit. Anyone want to join me ? if your compulsive like I am? I know it can only do you good.

Cheers -xox-

Freaking out...

Ok so today I stopped fasting. I had for breakfeast bowl of cereal = 120 and a weight watchers soup = 117. I'm freaking out because thats way too much for me! and I can't trust myself! I have willpower, I know I do its just I ate lunch and breakfeast together... I'm afraid I'll eat again. :S Help?

-xox-

Fasting the weekend away

Ok so since yesterday, I lost 1.2 pounds. Not enouf to overcome the binge, but still loosing. I think I'm gonna fast for 3 days instead of just two.

I started my pt bracelet! I looks great and I can't wait to show you guys! I'll definatly post a pic as soon as I'm done. So yeah nothing much more to say then today has been a good day :) See you all tomorrow! -xox-

Binged

Ok well yesterday I binged, hold on tight, this is what I ate :
-5 fiber one bars
-Half a casserole of macoroni and cheese
-cookies
-Peanut butter
-1/4 of a small doritos bag
It might not seem that bad. But lets just say the calories add up very easily. I feel like a train wreck this morning. Hugh. So through my normal cycle, I'll fast. I gained 2 pounds and slept only 5 hours. I can't eat. I noticed the only time I binge is when I'.m restricting or letting myself eat. I find it so easier to forget about calories and forget about all of the fat and carbs and just NOT EAT! Anyone else feel this way? I hate this sickness.

love you all -xox-

Plateaued or maybe just a effing pig?

Well yesterday was a very emotional day, so i "binge" a lil. I hate 2 fiber one bar = 280 cal and some nuts = 200 cal. overall I felt pretty damn bad. So now I'm at 133 since yesterday and it won't buge! I'm fasting for the weekend, since I always fast on the weekends. But I sure damn hope its gonna come off. I want to be in the 120's soon!

Thanks to Evie who commented, I finaly found the strings btw for the PT bracelet :) And I will now make it, I'll post a pic as soon as I'm gonna be done!

Anyways today was okay. It started off very badly but I took control and fasted for the rest of the day, this morning I had 1 yogurt (35) a granola bar (140) and nuts again (200) I really don't know why I keep eating nuts! It's driving me.. Well hum... NUTS!
see you girls tomorrow -xox-

No caffeine = No no

Today I decided to skip my usual morning coffee, WORST IDEA EVER. I was so tired all day long and I felt like crying. Before work I took a red bull sugar free (15 cal) and I was ok for my shift at the restaurant, so yeey :) The weight is comming off so slowly.. hugh its annoying! But at least I'm loosing and not binging. I've been binge free since thursday so it's all good. Tomorrow I'll stick with my morning coffee and hopefully be okay lol.

I'm also making a PT bracelet, which consiste of purple pink and teal or turquoise. I can't wait although I van't find the strings. hugh. So yeah thats about all I had to say for today, see you tomorrow -xox-

Daily intake was 3 apples 254 cal.

Hectic day!

Well today was a drag, not only was it ever so long... I had work after school. I work at a restaurant so today was kids free meal day. Lets just put it this way, it's like baby sitting and running around cleaning tables while kids are running everywhere and parents are grumpy. I am so tired. But at least burned off some calorie. lol.

This morning woke up I was 133.8 so I lost a lil weight, its better than nothing, but I hope it'll go lower, I can smell the 120's coming my way! I am on the hello kitty diet, which is basicly 3 apples a day, and I added 2 glasses of lemon and ice water for a better detox. I keep burping. LOL which is weird, but hopefully effective. Anyways got tones of homework. See you all tomorrow -xox-

Fear

Ok, so today is day 2 of me starting to eat again.... I was always hating food before, but yesterday when I planned my whole calorie intake for today.. I freaked out... I had a panick attack on the fact of me eating 368 calories.... so I only ate 200, even there I hate myself for it. I used to restrict to only 160 per day, so it was weird. I really am terrified of food now. PLus im not loosing any weight... hugh.

On other hands, I bought Wintergirls today, the book, it's amazing and exacly how my mind is set. You should read it if you haven't. So hopefully tomorrow I'll have a weight loss, btw if you know the reason why I'm not loosing weight, please comment :)

see you all tomorrow -xox-

Broke my fast

Ok, no I did NOT binge. I just decided that I did it long enouf. I got all the weight from my binge off and I went pass my goal weight#1 :) So like I said I threated myself to a grilled cheese (Was so yummy, I regret it even thow it was really low cal) It was 130 cal. Weight watcher bread = 100 and kraft singles fat free = 30 so it was really cool that I could eat it without going overboard on my calories. And its the only thing im eating today :)

So when i went grocery shopping today i bought omega 3 gummies, holy crap i ate 20! haha, so bad mostly after i checked how many calories there was on the internet, 10 cal per gummi, haha so yeah i went over 200 on gummies :( But its ok because now my plan constitutes off >500 cals a day instead of >200 which made me binge. also a couple of fasting days will be added, since I love fasting for some weird reason. I guess its the fact that I dont have to count any calories and worry. Your opinion?

Day 4

Ok so today, I'm still considering this as a fast day even though I ate maybe like a tbsp of dried cranberries and took a finger swipe of peanut butter (Hugh I know, I fucking hate myself!) I'm sure it isint that bad, but for the fact that I tasted the peanut butter, which is my worst enemy, makes me feel like a total failure! Anyways im still fasting and i wont ever, ever, ever touch the peanut butter again!
Tomorrow I'm going grocery shopping, heres my list:
-Weight watchers bread
-0% cottage cheese
-Weight watchers soup
-Skim cheese (It's for my fast ending grilled cheese, lol)
-Almond milk
-Spray butter
-Diet red bull
-And multivitamins.
BTW What do you usualy take ona daily basis? Like i take multivitamin, but I know I need more. Help?

See you tomorrow!

Day 3 of my fast

Well  today I feel ill... :( Like throw up kinda ill. And I read that this is what it happens to you when you fast. Is it true? Well anyways hoping I'll feel better tomorrow. This is the longest streak I've ever been on for a fast :D and I'm determined to go through the 10 days! Today I had my ordinary glass of soy milk cofee and green tea in the morning :) ---> It always makes me want to pee rel bad at school lol. Anyways today I had mood swings, unlike yesterday where i was really depressed, today I was hyper as hell? Ha. Who knows! I still can't wait for that amazing grilled cheese I'm gonna have after this fast! lol Its my reward and yeah it will be the only thing I'm gonna eat after that :P lolz

Fast day 2 :)

Well today was great.. Not exacly. Eating wise it was perfect. No doubt about that, I had my glass of soy milk this morning (80 cal) thats it. But of course (you know there a but)

Today I told my coach I had an ED :( And you know what he said?? We will talk to the school's nurse to help me out so I can  keep playing rugby and get support... The problem is, I DONT WANT TO RECOVER YET! im SO not ready... But he is so sweet...so yeah I don't know what to do anymore.. To tell him i dont want to get helped or to just go see the nurse and "fake it" that im gonna recover.. : / I know i dont but yet so complicated. I can't lie, so if your trying to find the motive why i told him well there you go.

So for the rest of day, since i did so well, I pampered my face and I'm gonna play sims 3 :) I havent played in so long because of school and work! :( So yeah see you tomorrow on day 3!

The starting of my fast

So yeah yesterday after my outrageous binge, I decided that for the next 10 days I'm fasting :) I love fasting and i find it very effictive and easier to do since you dont need to restrict, just not eating is way easier! Anyways see you tomorrow on day 2 ;) Night xxx