My Roommates are PMSing.

So in the past week I found myself dealing with multiple obstacles.
Some are good, others.. not so much. To start off with some positive, I'll announce my promotion as a supervisor at my current employment.

It is a step forward, yet I'm afraid I'm pacing nowhere. Sadly, working for a minimum wage job has tendency
to lead there. Until I can find something I can settle for, this will do.  :)

Now for the dark side of things, my roommates. Omg, my roommates...
They are driving me to edge right now. They keep complaining about everything I do. I am a very good roommate; I have an open mind, I won't get in your way and I pick up after myself. They seemed to have found every single one of my flaws and point them out to me. The main one being they don't like my boyfriend... Since I don't have a plan B, I am stuck trying so hard to get out of that hell I am supposed to call Home. I forgot how trying to look for an apartment was hard.

I don't remember being an adult was so hard. Things have changed and hopefully they will for the best soon!

Winter is coming.. Which means days spent inside in the warmth playing Skyrim and watching Game of Thrones! :)

Two year have gone by...

I can't believe what I'm reading...
What was I thinking?

Today I had ...for the lack of a better word... a fucking horrible day.
I came home and I just wanted to cry. Not for any good reason, but just to find relief.
Sadly, the only people who can help me when I'm down in the dumps are the ones causing it. So I figured I would write about it... somewhere. It came to mind that I had a blog and then I stumbled upon this..
I am mixed with emotions, but one is clear. Happiness.
Oh God am I happy! During that period in my life I never noticed how much of a horrible person I was!
I am so glad of how I turned out! I was so mean, selfish and shallow.

I am proud to say that, today, I am a good person. I have left anorexia in my past and I am free from any eating disorder I've ever fought. I still deal with some random ''depression humps'', as I like to call them, but I get by.

I am a healthy 150 pounds. (But I won't identify myself as a number anymore)
I work at a movie rental store. (Yes, those things still DO exists)
I am currently looking for a hobby. (That doesn't involve video games)
And I am BROKE! (  :D  )

Inpatient and other stuff

So maybe you noticed that I havent been posting ina while, well I have been hospitalised and was for 5 weeks. I am now an outpatient. I wanted to say I lied about my weight, why? well because i was afraid I'd only get those ''your too skiny!'' or ''You should stop now'' I said, if im not mistaken, that I was 135 pounds. Well truth is I was at my lowest 56 pounds. I almost died and yeah I regret it now. I am back up to 92 pounds. It's scary and frightening but I am better than this sickness. So if you want help with recovery, message me up. Even if I still suffer and still cut myself, I'll get better one day :)

-Love you girls, be careful -xox-

Putting on a diffrent aproach!

Ok, I binged, yes again... but this time is was more controled and it felt less frightening. But I'm sick of it. Sick of binging. so instead of going through this stupid binge/fast cycle, im just gonna restrict, but a lil higher than my usual 160 cal a day. I am aiming for 380 a day. or 400 and less. Starting with a healthy bowl of high fiber cereal and almond milk. and an apple with 1 tbs peanut butter for the rest of the day. I will also drink a cup of green tea everytime i eat so it will keep my metabolism high and up running.

I gained 3 pounds from this binge. I am tired of this. I will continue rugby and everything I love without having the need to binge and fast. I won't give in to this sickness not anymore. I will go into recovery as soon as they accept me. Because I know I will destroy myself if I don't. And if you are like me, just pay a little attention to that good voice inside your head, just a little. It will be one step closer to being beautiful and healthy.

All is said.  Love yous -xoxox-

Fasting and some other things

Ok well enouf about my diet and such. Today is day 3 of my fasting. Really tired. But I'll survive, maybe I'll break a fasting record? Oh and I weighted myself yesterday, so no I did not make it too 5 days, only one. lol.

Now for the interesting part, breaking down because I don't stop working. Everyday after school I stay in town to work or to play rugby. >:( It's so annoying and it really is killing me, since I let go off cafeine. I can't wait to get my next pay check though :D now thats gonna be the highlight of my day. Although it's just in one week, I know it's gonna be big! I need to go clothes shopping since nothing fits me anymore! And I need more hoodies sice it's freezing outside. Well to me it is. lol. It's like 15°c. Imagine when it's gonna be -30°c outside! Ahhh, I'm gonna die! I'm like currently sleeping with 3 covers on my bed and a wearing a hoodie and jogging pants and freezing! I'll never survive winter lol. Anyways enouf of the chat chat. see you girls tomorrow!

Cheers -xox-

Never been this determined

I think in all my life, I have never been this determined. I binge yesterday. I hate myself so muhc... I'm gonna fast t'ill I'm 129 or less. I'm so angry at myself and so tired. I don't care anymore about food. I just want to starve.

I also decided that I had a compulsive weight myself every minute thing. I will not weight myself for a whole 5 days. Which is extremly alot. Right now its only been a day and I want to know so bad. But I wont. I am stronger than a compulsive habit. Anyone want to join me ? if your compulsive like I am? I know it can only do you good.

Cheers -xox-

Freaking out...

Ok so today I stopped fasting. I had for breakfeast bowl of cereal = 120 and a weight watchers soup = 117. I'm freaking out because thats way too much for me! and I can't trust myself! I have willpower, I know I do its just I ate lunch and breakfeast together... I'm afraid I'll eat again. :S Help?

-xox-